Let’s talk about coming out later in life. And by “later in life,” I mean anytime after your teenage years, which is when society somehow expects us to have our whole identities sorted out. As if deciding what toppings to put on your pizza wasn’t hard enough. But seriously, for many people, embracing their sexual orientation or gender identity doesn’t happen until they’re well into adulthood, and that’s okay. In fact, there’s a unique power to coming out later in life—a blend of rediscovery, resilience, and, often, humor.
“The Late Bloomers Club”: Why Come Out Later?
There are plenty of reasons someone might not come out until later in life. Maybe they grew up in a conservative town, where the local dating pool included only two options: the opposite sex or, well… the opposite sex. Or perhaps they were busy raising families, building careers, and navigating life’s other countless “To-Dos” that didn’t include personal revelation at the top of the list.
For others, societal changes and greater LGBTQ+ visibility in media have been key motivators. Shows like Orange Is the New Black and Transparent brought queer experiences into mainstream pop culture, providing relatable, authentic portrayals of people coming to terms with their identities later in life. Who could forget the poignant journey of Moira in Schitt’s Creek, realizing she’s been a proud ally all along, thanks to her son’s love story?
Rediscovery: Learning (and Loving) Who You Really Are
Rediscovery can be the most intimidating yet rewarding part of coming out later. Many people say they feel like teenagers again. Yes, this means the awkward first dates, wardrobe changes, and even getting slightly overexcited when they see a rainbow on a pair of socks. Picture 45-year-old Susan wearing a “Love is Love” pin at her law firm’s board meeting. Iconic.
One study published in Psychology & Sexuality found that people coming out later often experience a profound “rediscovery” of self. With decades of life experience, they tend to approach this new chapter with greater emotional intelligence and self-awarenessre’s no manual for this, so much of it involves trial and error—trying a new look, attending pride events, or figuring out how to talk about relationships with friends and family.
The Awkward Talks and Hilarious Moments
One of the perks of coming out later is a refined sense of humor to cushion the awkward moments. Consider a classic situation: a 50-something year-old comes out to their close friends. “Wait,” says their friend Janice, a middle-school bestie. “So, all that time you dated Mark was…?”
“Yeah, I was a little… confused,” they reply, chuckling. Moments like these are sprinkled throughout the journeys of many later-in-life queer folk. In fact, humor is often part of the healing process. Psychologist Michael Ross argues that humor provides emotional resilience, helping individuals process change by turning “tension into laughter” .
A Those Who’ve Done It
So, what do the veterans of later-life coming out say? Here’s a peek into the wisdom they share:
- It’s Never Too Late: Coming out doesn’t have an expiration date. As 65-year-old Carol, who came out at 62, says, “Honey, I’m old, not dead.” The joy of authenticity can be felt at any age, and some argue it’s even sweeter when you’ve waited longer for it.
- Go Easy on Yourself: It’s natural to feel like you’re playing catch-up. Many people coming out later feel they’ve missed milestones others may have experienced, like teen crushes or youthful coming-out stories. But there’s no right or wrong timeline. Self-compassion is key.
- Find Your Community: Today, there are online groups and in-person meet-ups specifically for those coming out later in life. These spaces can be invaluable for connecting, sharing, and laughing over mutual experiences. After all, who doesn’t want to bond over dating mishaps and learning to dress with “new” fashion influences?
Embracing Your Truth, At Any Age
Coming out later in life isn’t a disadvantage; it’s an adventure, with a lifetime’s worth of stories and humor to accompany it. For many, it’s not just a new chapter but a whole new book—one they finally feel free to write. And while there might be plenty of awkward moments, it’s all part of embracing the journey.
So here’s to the late bloomers, the rediscoverers, and anyone ready to live life authentically, no matter when they get started. In the words of Schitt’s Creek’s David Rose, “I like the wine, not the label,” and the world is a lot more colorful with all of us embracing who we are—no matter when we do it.
