Let’s get real—nobody comes with an instruction manual. It’s hard enough figuring out if your partner prefers pancakes or waffles for breakfast, let alone decoding their preferences in the bedroom. But here’s the thing: mind-reading isn’t a thing. Asking for what you want in bed shouldn’t be any more awkward than asking for extra guac at Chipotle. And hey, if you’re paying for it with the currency of intimacy, you definitely want to make sure you’re getting exactly what you ordered.
If you’re feeling tongue-tied when it comes to talking about what turns you on, don’t worry—you’re not alone! It’s time to ditch the awkwardness, break the silence, and get the fireworks popping in the sheets.
Step 1: Check Your Baggage at the Door
Before jumping into a conversation about bedroom preferences, let’s unpack why this feels awkward in the first place. Maybe you’re worried about offending your partner, or perhaps you’re still recovering from the “Wait, you want me to do what?” face from your ex. Whatever it is, recognize that your feelings are valid, but they’re also about as useful as a waterproof teabag.
Leave your insecurities at the door and walk in with curiosity and openness. Remember: You’re not asking for a favor—you’re sharing something that could bring both of you more pleasure. That’s a win-win situation right there!
Step 2: Timing is Everything
If there’s one thing we’ve learned from the movies, it’s that there’s a wrong time to talk about heavy stuff. Mid-lovemaking is not the best time to say, “So, about that thing I’d like to try…” unless you want to completely derail the train. Similarly, bringing it up when your partner is half-asleep or during the latest episode of Succession probably won’t get you the response you’re hoping for.
Pick a relaxed moment—post-coffee, post-dinner, post-anything-other-than-sex. Frame it in a way that’s playful and light: “Hey, babe, I’ve been thinking about ways to make things even hotter between us—want to brainstorm some ideas together?”
Step 3: Use the Sandwich Technique (Yes, Even Here)
The Sandwich Technique isn’t just for giving your boss constructive criticism—it works in the bedroom too. Start with something positive, slide in your request, and finish off with another positive. Like this:
- “I love how passionate you are when we’re together. I was thinking it might be fun to [insert your deepest fantasy here]. And I’m really excited to hear what else you’d like to try too!”
This way, it doesn’t feel like you’re serving up a list of demands but rather inviting your partner to join in on a pleasure-planning committee. And hey, who doesn’t want to feel like a co-conspirator in a sexy scheme?
Step 4: Be Honest & Get Specific (Without Feeling Like a Teacher)
Saying, “I’d like more oral” might get you somewhere, but it’s a bit like telling a chef, “I’d like food.” Vague much? Instead, get detailed about what you enjoy. Think flavors, temperatures, and textures. Do you want it faster? Slower? More pressure? Less pressure? Show, don’t just tell—guiding your partner with your hands or moans is like giving a live-action tutorial, and it’s way hotter than a PowerPoint presentation.
You’re not bossing them around; you’re creating a sensual map. And who doesn’t want to be Dora the Explorer in that territory?
Step 5: Be Open to Compromise (Without Feeling Like You’re Settling)
Maybe you want to try something wild, and your partner’s on the fence. That’s okay! If they’re unsure, meet them halfway—try something similar but a little less intense. If they’re still hesitant, find out what excites them. This way, the focus shifts from “what one person wants” to “what we can enjoy together.” Mutual pleasure is the name of the game!
Also, remember: Not every request will be a home run. If your partner isn’t into it, don’t take it as a rejection of you. Instead, view it as an invitation to discover new ways to connect that you both enjoy.
Step 6: Funny is the New Sexy
No one said that talking about sex had to be super serious. Throw in some humor to ease the tension. Try, “Hey, I’ve been reading up on this new thing, and I’d be really interested to know what you think—no pressure, though! But, like, actually a little pressure. Not no pressure. You get what I mean?”
Laughter lowers defenses and opens the door for honest communication. Just don’t go too far with the comedy—this is a conversation, not an audition for SNL. Keep it light but respectful.
Step 7: Positive Reinforcement is Key
When your partner nails it (no pun intended), tell them. Praise every effort and improvement. You don’t have to be an over-the-top cheerleader, but positive reinforcement will encourage them to keep refining those skills. Try saying, “I loved when you did [insert sexy move here]. It felt amazing, and I’d love to do more of that.”
Affirmation breeds confidence, and confidence leads to better intimacy. Plus, who doesn’t love a little applause for a job well done?
Step 8: Don’t Make It Weird
Remember, this is a two-way street. When your partner opens up about their desires, welcome their suggestions without judgment, shock, or making that face you reserve for bad sushi. Even if you’re not sure about their request, respond with curiosity instead of shutting it down. A simple, “Tell me more about why you like that” can go a long way.
And hey, if they surprise you with something new, you might just discover a side of them you didn’t know existed.
Without A Doubt, Confidence is Sexy and Communication is Hot
The truth is, talking about sex will always feel a little awkward at first—it’s deeply personal, it’s vulnerable, and, well, there’s a lot at stake! But the more you practice, the easier it gets. Treat it like a muscle that needs exercise, and before you know it, you’ll be flexing your way to better bedroom communication and mind-blowing experiences.
So, start the conversation, get specific, and remember to keep things playful. Because when it comes to sex, there’s really only one awkward question—the one you didn’t ask. 🔥
