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“Where there is love there is life.” –Mahatma Gandhi
Good relationships, unfortunately, do not just happen. Some people may even think that if you have to work hard at a relationship, then you are just not in the right one. This is simply not true, not even in the least.
We have to work hard on our relationships to keep them alive + well. The codeword is work. Though the word work, does not sound too appealing when talking about relationships, if you make a habit of these 5 basic steps, the word work will not even come to mind when it comes to your relationship.
Photo by taylor hernandez on Unsplash
(1) TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF
This is probably the most important choice you can make when it comes to improving your relationship. This means learning how to take responsibility for your own feelings, actions, and needs.
So, instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, which honestly, is what we tend to do as women. However, learning how to completely make yourself feel secure + happy, regardless of your partner, is far more rewarding and beneficial in the long run.
Treat yourself with kindness, care, and accept the wonderful person you are. Self-judgment will always cause insecurities and lows, no matter how wonderfully your partner may be treating you. When you learn how to take full, 100% responsibility for yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your unhappiness. As a matter of fact, when you really learn this method of taking responsibility, situations begin to move and you will find yourself not even getting upset at what may have triggered you before. Self-love and self-growth are necessary to maintain a good relationship.
(2) BE KIND
There is an old saying, treat others the way you want to be treated. I mean, this is truly the key to a loving and happy life. We all crave to be adored in some way – with respect, kindness, understanding, and acceptance.
We not only need to treat ourselves this way, but we need to treat others this way as well, especially our loved ones. There is no better relationship than when both partners treat each other with kindness and understanding. While there are no guarantees, often treating one another with kindness + grace usually brings the same in return.
On the other hand, if your partner is consistently angry and unkind, then you need to love and care for yourself even more, rather than reverting to the same anger and unkindness you are receiving. Always keep in mind, that showing kindness to others does not mean sacrificing your own self-worth. It just means you are not willing to sacrifice your happiness due to someone else’s anger.
Always remember that taking responsibility for yourself rather than blaming others is the most important thing you can do. And though it is so much easier said than done, you can still choose to be kind and gracious regardless of your partners or anyone else’s mood.
(3) STUDY YOUR MATE
When conflicts come up, we always have two choices regarding how to handle the situation:
a) you can look past the anger and get to the root of the issue, ultimately, learning more about your partner or
b) you can try to win the argument, where you have to walk away feeling some kind of redemption.
This, unfortunately, is a natural occurrence within relationships. When we get upset, we tend to put on our gloves and go! But what if we took a different approach. Maybe try dusting off the anger and seeing what the real issue is and pretty much study what your partner is about.
With this, you will have a greater chance of learning more about your partner’s likes + dislikes with the intent of the same situation not happening again.
(4) DATES ARE A MUST
When people first fall in love, there’s the honeymoon phase. Every free time you can spend with your love, you do. It’s total bliss! Then, real-life and circumstances hit. Especially after getting married.
Life happens, we have kids, bills need to be paid and we tend to get lost in the mess of stress. Unfortunately, when this happens it is natural for us to neglect our loved ones. If we have bills and other stuff cluttering our minds, then how can we possibly put our partner first. Well, here comes the word work again. Both partners have to put in the work and make time for each other. Period. At the absolute very least plan + set a date night once a month.
If you could squeeze in a date night once a week, even better. The main point is to get some one-on-one time with your partner and basically re-set your love connection.
(5) LOVE WHO YOU’RE WITH
When you have been with someone for a while, it is easy to get comfortable in a relationship. We tend to stop trying as hard as we would make our partner happy, as we did within the dating phase. This can easily cause frustration + resentment.
Though this is a very understandable occurrence, it is important that both partners take time out to enjoy each other and remember the great qualities that brought them together.
Find time to enjoy each other and play. Yes, play. Whatever you want that to be. Having fun with your partner is a key element for a lasting relationship.
